writing

A Blog and A Dream

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In the middle of trying to decide on a permanent URL name for my blog, I find myself trying to identify myself even further.  This blog started with a story I wrote in a writing class because I want to eventually write a book.  Ever since I was a little girl in elementary school, I enjoyed writing.  Reading and getting lost in books was a piece of heaven for me.  Then learning I could do this, what a light bulb moment.  But in this year of blogging, I’ve realized I’ve stopped thinking much about my dream of writing a book and that made me sad.  Follow your passion they say, do what you love they say, your good at it they say.  I can say that writing here and now contributing articles to Beinglatino.us are actually baby steps towards this dream of mine. Practice makes best right?  I just need to start putting a little more effort into researching how to get my first book out and I need to do it soon.  I am resourceful and I can do this!

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We Are But A Tiny Speck

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Our Universe is insanely huge and we are but a tiny speck.  I stepped outside into the dark night to walk my dog.  I happened to glance up at the black sky and caught myself being mesmerized by the bright far away stars.  Twinkling, glowing, tiny little planets that look like little dots to us.  We are the same to them, tiny dots.  People, tiny specks floating around, a trillion of us moving along the roads of the world.  Stumbling on the blocks placed before us… To ourselves this is Our World, so much meaning to one person, so many different issues we go through but yet so minimal in this massive place.  How do we find understanding here?  How do we matter? How do we stay sane? By reminding ourselves that we are but tiny specks.  When I am sitting all alone in my living room with no one to talk to and the kids are asleep, the hubby is at work…. do I still Matter?   When I want to have a good cry and purge myself of negativity, does that matter?  Maybe, maybe not.

I suspect that life, our lives, are important because of the relationships we cultivate, the way we feel about ourselves and the good things we put out there.  Do unto others and yada yada yada, I truly believe that.  It’s difficult when you do not have your inner circle near you or always available to hear your stupid little thoughts.  It is hard to create new friendships as adults with people who will see things your way.  Why is it so hard? Because as adults we have different walls than we do as young ones.  Our walls are taller and thicker. And it’s hard to get to a tiny speck hidden by tall thick walls.

I  have an amazing inner circle, an amazing group of friends, the only problem is that they are all mostly 3000 miles away.  But at least I can reach those specks by train, plane and automobile, I don’t have to fly a rocket ship.  And when I remind myself, stop and ground myself, and remind myself that every single thing I do does matter, I grow. Goodbye tiny speck, time to evolve.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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I was given a very important message today from a great friend that I had not spoken to in months.  It was a brief call and she was extremely surprised that I called her out of the blue.  We shared a few things with each other and one of the things I told her was about a social media conference I attended a few weeks ago.  I won a pass and was able to go one day.  It was the Niche Parent Social Conference in Fort Lauderdale.  I was simply amazed at the things I learned.  I did not realize that blogging was so deep!  It’s a whole new world out there in cyberspace and, there are some AMAZING writers that I’ve stumbled upon.  I learned so much and felt so blessed to be able to attend, if even for a day.  However, afterwords, I felt inadequate in regard to my writing skills and to this blog in particular.  They gave us a little badge with our twitter address and the name of our blog.  On the bottom it said “Blogger/Social Influencer”.  Who did I think I was, that I could just put stuff out in cyberspace and think it was of value?  I am in no way the type of blogger that the bloggers there are.  I was so impressed with them and at the same time I felt out of place.  These great writers have thousands and thousands of followers and I barely have hit 50.

During the classes I felt energized and jotted down so many ideas for my little blog, In the Motherhood Full of Dreams.  But then I just felt bla and out of place.  So I haven’t written anything in a while.

My friend shared how her own passion for Yoga, something she picked up recently and has now mastered (my own opinion not her words lol) is something she does not question.  She feels so confident in doing this thing she loves that she doesn’t stop to think about whether or not others are better at it than her.  She told me to stop comparing myself to others, to just do what I love, which is to write and share stories.  I am reminded that I didn’t start this blog to impress anyone, I didn’t do it for any other reason but to express myself.  I have to be honest with myself as I’ve always been and start writing honestly again.  People will judge, will have opinions and that’s okay.  I am a new blogger, I do not expect to “blow up” as some of us say, overnight.  This blog is my place to share my stories about MY Motherhood and my dreams and so I am back!  Stay tuned…..

and thank YOU for reading my words! 🙂

Pen and Paper

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My soul aches and yearns for this pen and paper

My life gives no time to my dream, its like vapor

To express and to vent in written form

To let go and release my emotions and mourn

To write happy, write sad, write if i’m mad

So that years later I look back and feel glad

I have all my history written down for me to see

Not to have to solve  a mystery of what I went thru or how I should be

No question as to why I am the way I am

No wondering as to why I do the things I do

To learn from my past and remind my future self

Of all the wealth my life has shown

My mind has grown

So I can progress and never digress

Though I may feel slightly restless

My words will never be at rest

Because I ache for this pen and paper

Though I have no time to write my rhymes

This is in me

And now its inked on paper

Forever.

A. Janeth Paez

*This was handwritten on 11/10/2010*